New Release Round Up, 9/29/09 – 34 Instant Album Reviews

This week had some particularly bad, boring albums. Eventually when I got to some good music I stopped wondering why I do this column.

Brand New Eyes by Paramore – Having never heard Paramore I had a few presumptions: the album cover made me believe there was smoothing listening inside, Paramore sounds lovely and sweet, and I think I’ve heard good things about this album. Once I hit that play button on Lala.com I almost jumped in fright. There is this nagging feeling when listening to brand new eyes…I think it’s Hayley Williams voice that is nagging at me.

Celebration by Madonna – I was wondering why Madonna was suddenly on Letterman and I thought it was for a new album. It’s not new. Moving on.

Dear Agony by Breaking Benjamin – Man when you look at the band name joined next to the album name you feel this wave of jock-angst roll over you. I mean, it’s like, your girl totally isn’t giving it up and she needs to understand that you’re one of the most popular kids in school. Move over slag I’m finding someone who really loves me.

Memoirs of an Imperfect Angel by Mariah Carey – “Do you guys get the album title? I mean, she’s this angel right, but she’s NOT perfect.” That’s a quote from the boardroom that made the decision for the title of this album. Here’s a quote from Wikipedia, “She says that the reason she chose to use three images for the cover art is because ‘there are a lot of different emotions and stories revealed on this album’.” The only story I see is scantily-clad women sell records better than well-dressed dudes. You guys should read the Wikipedia entry, it’s hilarious. All fun aside, how does the album sound? There are some decent songs on here, but nothing as lasting as Butterfly. Fans of Carey will really enjoy this album, others will find it mediocre. On Candy Bling Carey has a set of throw back lyrics to Ahmad’s Back In the Day…just made me want to listen to that song, so I did.

Ghostdini Wizard Of Poetry In Emerald City by Ghostface Killah – So it’s not a secret, I love Ghostface. He is cool. I want to be cool. So I love him. Ghostface is dishing out a more R&B vibe with this album…until of course you get to the track Stapleton Sex, which is an X-rated jam. The album takes off after this vibe speed-bump, most notably with Paragraphs of Love and Guest House.

I And Love And You by The Avett Brothers – I had to read the album title slowly to make sure I got it. I don’t know who these guys are, but I really like the titular (UCB anyone?) track of the album. This album is slow and folky, which I love being from Virginia. Gordon on the other hand does not like the album because it is slow and folky, and he is from Massachusetts. So if you’re from Virginia you’ll really like this album. And if you were a true American from ‘Merica then you’ll also like this album.

Yeah Ghost by Zero 7 – At first impression I thought this album was going to be crap. The appropriately entitled track “Count Me Out” is like an auditory laundry machine. It just kept rotating and making me dizzy. After that initial lapse the rest of this album pretty much rules. If you like electronic music and have a head with a set of ears on either side then you will like this album.

Crash Love by AFI – Meh. This type of music is never going to appeal to me. No matter how much I try to convince myself to listen objectively, I can’t.

Revolution by Miranda Lambert – There is no doubt this country singer is hot. Her last album was all about how insanely jealous she was and all the anger that comes along with being a crazy ex-girlfriend. She has a freaking tattoo of two six-shooters with angel wings on her forearm. Six-shooters. Angel wings. Unfortunately with this album it feels like they turned the Nashville-pop production dial up to 11. This album suffers from the lack of personality that Lambert brought to her first album.

Dustbowl Dreams by Bryan White – Nothing unique here. Lots of metaphors for life, individualism, and fun. If you’re into really over-produced country then you’ll love this horribly titled album.

God & Guns by Lynyrd Skynyrd – Why am I being punished with listening to lame-ass album after lame-ass album? God & Guns would be better if it pluralized “God,” they stopped pretending to be Lynyrd Skynyrd and changed their name to typical-country-rock-band, and they became the official sponsor of the NRA.

Kiss & Tell by Selena Gomez & The Scene – Anyone who gives this album a favorable review most likely has not yet reached driving age, makes faces at the idea of raw fish, and is ALWAYS embarrassed by their parents.

Beauty in the Streets by Mya – Any album that starts off defending itself against haters is doomed. She would like you to say it to her face. She is going to hear a lot of people telling her how boring her album is. Good job!

La Roux by La Roux – Pretty sweet album cover if you ask me, insane vocals though. Her sound is that of a young boy in the midst of puberty doing an impersonation of a pop-singer…the synths are too clumsy for me.

Signal Morning by Circulatory System – This is not an album you would party to, make sex to, or even sit back and enjoy. You would put this album on to impress your friend who has a major in music, but they still won’t like it because it’s not destroying enough boundaries. Then you’ll think your friend will never like any of your music no matter how hard you try.

The Rose Hotel by Robert Earl Keen – Me sleepy, me really need a cup of coffee.

Closer To The Bone by Kris Kristofferson – Kris Kristofferson is a fucking cool guy. “They’re doin’ to country music what pantyhose did to finger-fuckin’.” (from the Rolling Stone article “The Last Outlaw Poet) This is Kristofferson quoting Waylon Jennings regarding the state of country music today. So you pretty much have to like this album. Required. Closer To The Bone has got a real intimate grit to it. If you were drinking bourbon to this it would be a sad and contemplative night.

Mountain Soul II by Patty Loveless – This album feels like Loveless put no effort in putting it out, in a great way. This is a bare-bones bluegrass, folk album and it’s a pleasure to listen to.

Cozza Frenzy by Bassnectar – Tempo. Mucho Tempo. San Francisco-based Bassnectar will never be accused of being minimalist. Great for those people who are looking to listen to everything at once.

Where the Wild Things Are Motion Picture Soundtrack: Original Songs by Karen O and The Kids by Karen O And The Kids – A lot of music blogs were stoked to hear that Karen O was going to be rocking the WWTA soundtrack. I can see why, this soundtrack is super sweet. The movie is obviously going to be awesome.

The Boy Who Never by Landon Pigg – Landon looks like a little bit of a ponce…I don’t even fully understand what that adjective means but trust me, he looks like one on his album cover. Surprisingly the music isn’t bad, really pleasant strumming instrumentals back up his overall unobtrusive sound. Listeners of David Gray, John Mayer, and other talented but uninspiring musicians will like Landon.

All In One by Bebel Gilberto – Beautiful voice, for reals. Is it cool to say that? Probably not very cool but it’s true. The music is overall a hip-shaker, but in a smooth-jazz sort of way.

Lovely Creatures by Bob Schneider – Blarg. Married 30-somethings who live really generic lives, you know dog before children before divorce, would find a lot of meaning in this album.

Where The Wild Things Are by Steve Vai – This is not the soundtrack for the movie. Apparently Steve Vai believes himself to be wild, he has every right to think so. He is a great guitarist but I can’t be bothered to listen to some dude tear up his frets and my mind.

Flight 360: The Takeoff by Playaz Circle – Starts off with “Turbulence,” a track featuring a guitar solo reminiscent of the eighties Clapton…that’s cheese. But I like it, sue me. Really smooth production and verses. I would bump this in my drop-top while unsuccessfully hollarin’ at some chicken-heads.

The Wreckage by Will Hoge – “This is the real world, things are just what they seem.” In that case the first track sucks. I’m sure this album has an audience, but I’m not sure who it is. Maybe people who like Mason Jennings AND Keith Urban?

North Hills by Dawes – Folk that just sounds good. Man, these guys should get some attention. Totally recommend this album. Bet they’d be really incredible live.

Found by Push Play – I really didn’t want to push play on this album (get it?) but I thought what IF they are good? I’ll save you some time, they’re not.

Soft White by Mack 10 – Why are all these good albums preceded by all the crap albums on Lala.com. Man this week is finally showing some promise. Indulgent rap at its best. This is not to say this album is flawless, for example Mirror Mirror and It’s Your Life…not so good. If you’re looking for something to bob your head to, this is it.

Death Won’t Send A Letter by Cory Chisel and the Wandering Sons – Pop-folk. Kinda has a Springsteeny voice with a poppy genericness going on. Pass.

Do You Want Power by The Ettes – Really like how this album starts off. A 3 person band with two cute girls. They’d probably be fun to check out live…they’re opening for Juliette Lewis at Slim’s real soon you should check ’em out. Although Scientologists kinda scare me.

Don’t Throw Me Away by The Mumlers – I can’t help but wanting to call this band The Mumblers, it’s what I keep reading. Forget the deficiency I have with reading, this is a sweet-sounding band. A little old-timey and a little new-timey, and I think they’re name is borrowed. I am running out of material, this local band is playing at the Hemlock on October 7th. It would totally be fun to check out.

Frank Fairfield by Frank Fairfield – Say what you will about this guy’s motivations or his schtick. The music is throwback awesomeness. He has got some skill on his instruments and you definitely feel his drive.

Flashmob by Vitalic – Fans of Justice could be into this album. Some driving electronic beats that aren’t a pain to listen to. More like a pleasure, that’d be a good way to put it. Awesome samples…I’m really into it. You would be too.