film review – Page 3 – Spinning Platters

Film Review: Assassin’s Creed

The long wait for a good video game adaptation continues.

Atop a perch, the assassins wait to figure out what the heck is happening.

Callum Lynch sits in the mess hall of a secret lab, having just been ported into the memories of a master assassin, his ancestor. He holds an apple firmly in his hand and says, “what the fuck is happening?” Mr. Lynch, you took the words right out of my mouth! His question is one I felt throughout at least 4/5 of the new adaptation of the popular Ubisoft video game series, Assassin’s Creed. There has never been a good video game adaptation (see the list here for proof). There have been entertaining tries and near misses, like the Resident Evil series and Prince of Persia, and there have been lousy ones that have aged into cult classics, like Super Mario Bros. and Street Fighter. There has yet to be a universally respected video game adaptation — a film that both audiences and critics enjoy. Some thought the drought would end with Prince of Persia. Nope! Some thought it would be Assassin’s Creed. Nope! The wait continues. Maybe it’ll be the new Tomb Raider film, ’cause it ain’t gonna be the Rampage film, and likely not the final Resident Evil installment. Nevertheless, Assassin’s Creed is a total mess, lacking a coherent story, engaging characters, and even the visuals are disappointing, which is a bummer coming from such a beautifully cinematic game series.

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Film Review: Passengers

Half male fantasy, half space actioner, all catastrophic.

Pratt and Lawrence fulfill their space fantasies.

Bro, imagine you have your own giant resort space ship and you can do whatever you want, right!? Now imagine you get this hot chick with you and then you both get to do whatever you want. WHATEVER. YOU. WANT! How sweet would that be?! Okay, so this stupid male fantasy is the basic premise for the blundering sci-fi actioner, Passengers. It’s all visuals and little substance, complete with mega plot holes and one silly occurrence after another. Passengers isn’t without its thought-provoking moments however (not to be confused with head-scratching moments), it just decides to pass them by and not look back, wasting the charisma of its two talented leads.

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Film Review: Jackie

Jackie isn’t a normal biopic, allowing for a deeper understanding of its subject.

Natalie/Jackie gives us a tour of the White House

It’s only due to my familiarity with Natalie Portman, having seen so many of her films, contrasted with Jackie Kennedy’s unique accent and vocal delivery, that it took me a few scenes to grow accustomed to Portman’s version of the former first lady’s speaking style and mannerisms. At first the attempt sounds forced and peculiar, but then again (and you should do some quick YouTube research), so did Jackie’s actual voice. Overall, Portman does an excellent job, with her imitation utilized to great effect. There’s also very impressive art direction by White House production set veteran Halina Gebarowicz (House of Cards and Veep), an impactful and memorable film score by Mica Levi (Under the Skin), and sensible editing to keep Jackie to-the-point and flowing. But we’ll get to all of that a bit later. Jackie isn’t your normal biopic. Rather than a sweeping account spanning decades covering her upbringing, political life, the JFK assassination, and her life after, the film focuses solely on the assassination, including the days before and after it. It’s a risky move that completely pays off.

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Film Review: Office Christmas Party

This party is less than the sum of its party-goers.

OFFICE CHRISTMAS PARTY

Office Christmas Party must’ve been conceived when the six writers credited with the story and screenplay (red flag!) compiled a list of “Crazy sh-t that can happen at a Christmas Party!” Unfortunately, they then attempted to create a plot to surround the list of items in order to package all of it into a film. A better idea would’ve been to integrate the items directly into the story — like, say, having the main characters do these crazy things in order to advance the story. Nope. Thus, Office Christmas Party is a raunchy, foul-mouthed, sometimes funny holiday R-rated comedy that doesn’t fully utilize the amazing comedic chops of its extensive cast. It fights for laughs and prefers to show us an assortment of inconsequential montages of crazy party antics. They’re fun, but not funny. There’s just enough charisma from a few of the cast members to make Office Christmas Party worth attending. Just barely, though.

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Film Review: Moana

Moana is beautiful, adventurous, and musically gifted.

Animated Moana gives a miraculous multi-dimensional performance.

Yesterday I watched Moana. Today I listened to the soundtrack about eleven times through. Yesterday I questioned the benefit of seeing films in 3D. Today I feel that a film can truly benefit from non-gimmicky 3D. Yesterday I wondered when there’d be a new Disney song, besides “Let It Go”, that I’d welcome getting stuck in my head. Today I’ve had three Moana songs stuck in my head and love’em all. Do you catch my drift? Disney has delivered a beautifully animated film that holds true to the traditional spirit of Disney animated feature canon while adding new depths to characters and story structure. Moana is a cinematic gift — a film that is accessible and enjoyable to all audiences, re-watchable, boasts a stellar soundtrack, sets a new standard for animated environments (though I feel like I say that every six months), and has one of the most admirable female heroes ever put on screen. Yup, I mean it, too.

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Film Review: Allied

Polished, pulpy WWII tale how they used to make’em, for better or worse.

Like reading a dime novel from off the shelf of your local supermarket, Allied supplies a quick dose of melodrama, suspense, humor, and twists. It’s similarly digested easy, immediately emotional, and just as quickly forgotten. Director Robert Zemeckis has delivered his fair share of sensationalism, from Romancing the Stone to Forrest Gump to The Walk, and many memorable films in between (trust me, you’ve seen a lot of them). My semi-belabored point is, Zemeckis is no stranger to managing exaggerated storylines and overly dramatic plots. In Allied, he sets each scene like a stage play, without any noticeable complexity or vagueness. The complexity is left up to the characters. Yes it may be subtle, but while creating a blatant sense of the time period, the old school art direction also compliments the twists at the heart of the story — after all, this is an elaborate spy game. Pitt and Cotillard bring their serviceable ‘B’ game (not their best work but far from their worst), inflicting just enough charm and charisma into the plot to carry the somewhat nonsensical and ultimately forgettable story forward.

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Film Review: Arrival

Arrival arrives at just the right time to make us pause and think.

Amy Adams thinks about things, as we do, in ARRIVAL.

It feels like it’s been quite some time since a thought-provoking science-fiction film has come along — one that makes you really think. Now, before you come to the conclusion that “more thinking” equals “less entertaining”, think again! Arrival is a spectacular blend of drama, suspense, intelligence, and engaging visuals. Arrival also employs sound and music in an interesting way, aiding in the gradual fusion of the viewer experience with that of the characters. Once you emerge from the 118 minute cinematic trance you’ve been pulled into, you’ll realize that you’ve sat through one of the better films of the last year. And that realization, somehow, will be the same whether you loved the film or hated it.

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Film Review: Jack Reacher: Never Go Back

Reacher reaches, finds Hallmark sentimentality and TV crime thriller predictability.

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I found myself chanting ‘blood from a boot’ in my theater seat as I anticipated the start of Jack Reacher: Never Go Back. Yes, that’s how excited I was to witness the surprising return of Tom Cruise’s take-no-prisoners/take-no-sh*t former military police investigator. Unfortunately, Never Go Back never does go back to the violent charm (if there is such a thing) of the first film. Instead, an overly predictable plot and forced sentimental subplot strip the young franchise of the addictive macho humor and Taken-esque one-man-army action that brought it off the pages of author Lee Child’s work into cinemas.

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Film Review: Kubo and the Two Strings

‘Kubo’ is a visual masterpiece!

Beetle, Kubo, and Monkey looking high... — Beetle, Kubo, and Monkey looking high…

I’ve never seen stop-motion animation as inventively crafted or as embedded in the storytelling as I saw in Kubo and the Two Strings. Laika, the animation studio behind Coraline, ParaNorman, and The Boxtrolls, releases their most ambitious film yet with Kubo. Part parable and part fantasy epic, Kubo has a bit of everything, and though it gets a little over-indulgent in the final ten minutes, the film never feels overcrowded. Credit is due to first time director Travis Knight (son of Phil Knight, of Nike), who does a solid job of executing on an intelligent script by Marc Haimes and Chris Butler. The filmmakers infuse Kubo with unique action sequences, family-friendly humor, some nightmarish chills, and strong emotional themes. When these aspects are woven together with solid voice acting and stunning visuals, Kubo becomes a memorable cinematic tapestry.

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Film Review: Sausage Party

A profound examination of religious faith — buried deep, deep within a hilariously crude, offensive, foul-mouthed animated film.

Oh, sh*t, these foods are f**cking foul-mouthed!

Imagine if Toy Story was written by South Park creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone, and then sprinkled with a dash of Caligula. Even that probably doesn’t quite capture just how far Sausage Party goes in terms of it’s R-related language and content (supposedly it came close to an NC-17 rating, until they toned it down — yes, toned it down!). As advertised, the cast and creators of This is the End are back, this time to infuse their stoner, ultra-sexualized, black comedy into an animated feature. Sausage Party goes a step beyond just shock-value to deliver its laughs, serving a healthy does of side-splitting puns, curse-words, pop culture references, and hilarious characters. But Sausage Party is also an incredibly clever film. It disguises it’s more contemplative themes of divinity, the existence of an afterlife, and the triviality of religious tensions within the entertaining muck of a hilariously perverse one-note culinary joke — that anthropomorphic foods discover that they’re all doomed to be devoured by humans.

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