New Release Round-Up, 9/15/09 – 27 Instant Album Reviews

This week was a little worrisome; the merging of hipsters and “rappers” is picking up steam as indicated by Skinny Jeanz.  Get those bomb shelters stocked up it’s only a matter of time until the hipster apocalypse. Soon the coolest rappers will pretend there is no one like them and that they hate all those other rappers…oh wait.

ENDGAME by Megadeth – Shredding.  You must like all kinds of shredding to enjoy ENDGAME.  It is like a Costco pack of 3 shredded Mexican cheeses but instead of the pack of cheese, you’re getting a pack of rock.

The Blueprint 3 by Jay-Z – I am hesitant to listen to a new Jay-Z album, especially when he starts off with a few “Jeyahs.”  If you’re looking for a traditional rap album, this is not it.  A majority of the tracks are way more contemporary, and this is a great thing.  I will be “getting” this album for sure.

The Resistance by Muse – You know when you hang out with someone new and they try so hard to impress you?  Their mannerisms are exaggerated and they come off as insincere.  That is how Muse’s new album feels.  Yea, it’s really well produced and they’re trying really hard…but the album just comes off as mediocre.

Man On The Moon: The End Of Day by Kid Cudi – I have no idea what the goal of this album is.  I don’t get Kid Cudi’s rapping style, he’s like Puffy but more boring.

Blood Of Man by Mason Jennings – I used to listen to Mason Jennings a lot.  He would fill the empty spaces of DMB in my youth.  That isn’t saying much.  The track “City of Ghosts,” sounds like garage-rock which is not something I’m used to from Jennings.  Doesn’t sound like he’s used to it either.

Mi Plan by Nelly Furtado – The album cover yells tramp stamp for some reason…has to be the font.  Anyways, it’s in Spanish.  Mi Plan translates into unlistenable.

So Far Gone by Drake – I have an anti-auto-tune policy.  Lamers.

Get Lucky by Mark Knopfler – Is Mark Knopfler in a Fields of Gold stage?  I think the answer to that question is yes.

Skinny Jeanz And A Mic [Pre-Teen Squeaky Clean] by New Boyz – I already hate this album because of it’s name.  Skinny Jeanz?  Urg.  Give me some relaxed fit please.  But apparently I’m just a cricket, NOT A HUMAN BEING.  These boys like echoes, a LOT.

Revenge Is Sweeter Tour by The Veronicas – I don’t know much about these chicks.  So here is Wikipedia to the rescue, “They have their own line of clothing for all ages (including 80 year olds) that they released beginning in 2007.”  So…that’s all I need to know.

SuperBad: The Return of Boosie Bad Azz by Lil’ Boosie – As much as I want to dislike this album, I can see myself getting drunk and really feeling this album.  I can not hate on that.

Finally Famous by Trick Daddy – “If you hood like my hood then you feelin’ me.”  I have no idea where your hood is so how could I feel you?  Goes through the clichés of why you should be listening to him, how cool he is, how he was a badass and still is really real.  Blurg.

Levitate by Bruce Hornsby & The Noisemakers – Oddly first track sounds like a Raffi/Sugar Ray mash up.

The Incident by Porcupine Tree – I just realized the first track of this album is 55:15 long.  What the fuck?  The whole album is over 2 hours.  I’ve been digging this first track until I figured out I’m still at the first track. [Editor’s note:  Lala goofed.  Track 1 on Lala is actually the first 14 tracks.]

Temporary Pleasure by Simian Mobile Disco – Starts off with a song that is played during the opening credits of an eighties movie while someone is riding their skateboard illegally through the town mall.  The song is titled Cream Dream.  That is a good title.  This album would be best played whilst on a road trip as you approach a large city from a desolate wilderness.

Journal For Plague Lovers by Manic Street Preachers – 9th studio album by Manic Street Preachers.  All the songs are written by Richey Edwards, who vanished on 1 February 1995.  The fact that this is an album made by a guy who disappeared makes this a good album.

The Chair In The Doorway by Living Colour – I don’t know what to make of this album.  These guys are trying to rock but then they come off sounding like Ben Harper giving one of his overly insincere performances.

Ashes Grammar by A Sunny Day In Glasgow – When I listen to this album it feels like I am having a kick-ass daydream.  One filled with really awesome events and sirens.  You know, the Greek mythology kinds.

Grey-Eyed Girls by The Fresh & Onlys – Who doesn’t love a San Francisco band?  At times they sound like they are laying back in the cut, delivering lyrics like Iggy Pop.  Other times they’ve got a psychedlic-Stephin Merritt-ish-garage-rock thing going on.  I wouldn’t put this in my car to listen to, but I would put it on to impress people with my local band knowledge.

Fashionably Late by Honor Society – Half-expected these guys to start singing “Finger Bang.”  I had to listen to this album because the cover art looks like something out of Dawson’s Creek…or Gossip Girls.  The “music” also confirms this intuition.

Anomaly by Ace Frehley – While listening to an album have you ever imagined yourself on the edge of stage wearing leopard skin pants and a codpiece, rocking out on the bass while gyrating your hips all sexually?  No?  Oh then you haven’t listened to this album.

S.O.R.E. by N.O.R.E. – “Take Ya Face Off” and “Get It In” are what greet you on this album.  There are no metaphors in those titles.  Some of the lyrics are laughable, but some of the beats are tight.  Album cover looks like a high school yearbook photo from the 90s.

Blood And Candle Smoke by Tom Russell – “You may think I’m some bastard folk singer.  No.  I am a master in the arts of criminology.”  He was quite right until I got to Criminology.  Pretty cool track. But then you realize he is a bastard folk singer and you don’t want to listen anymore.

Nursery Myths by The Black and White Years – I dig when male lead singers get up all in that falsetto.  Sounds good when you’ve got indie music popping behind it.  I am going to buy this album, or something close to buying it.

Or, The Whale by Or, the Whale – When the album started I immediately looked to see when they were playing at a venue near me.  As it went on, it became a show I could or could not see.  No rush.

Survival Skills by Buckshot, KRS-One – This is an awesome album.  That is all I really to say.  Better than Jay-Z’s if you’re looking for a truer hip-hop album.  Even their auto-tune-hate anthem is better than Jay-Z’s.  My neck needs adjusting after all the bobbing up-and-down it did while listening to this album.  Buy this one.

Brother’s Keeper by Karl Denson’s Tiny Universe – Never listened to these guys because I thought it was a hippy band.  I don’t care if my impression of their band name is correct, this is a pretty soulful and funky album.  Bet they’re fun live.