It’s July, and another successful SF Pride Parade is in the books… or so I hear. I personally missed it, sadly, but I did so for good reason. Obviously, we live in one of the most gay-friendly cities in the world, and while it would have been fun to come out to share the celebration (not to mention the spectacle) that is Pride in the Bay Area, I chose instead to celebrate with the LGBTQ+ youth of Salt Lake City.
Utah is, of course, fairly synonymous with Mormonism. Imagine growing up LGBTQ+ and having to consider whether to stay closeted, or to come out and risk being shunned, rejected, or excommunicated not only from your entire church, but your community and likely your whole family, too. It’s not hard to see why the LGBTQ+ youth in the LDS church have an incredibly high suicide rate. Enter one of the most famous Mormons this side of Donny & Marie: Imagine Dragons’ frontman, Dan Reynolds. Reynolds founded the LoveLoud Foundation, which puts on an annual festival in the Salt Lake City area every June to allow a safe place to celebrate Pride while raising money for local and national LGBTQ+ charities.
Before I get into the events of this fantastic day, allow me a moment to explain why I feel so passionately about protecting (and expanding) the rights of the LGBTQ+ community. Like Reynolds, I take great pride in my role as an ally, and strive to offer unconditional love and support to every soul in this community. For me, this feeling started when I was young, learning about the Civil Rights movement in school. I remember wishing I could have been there to stand up and fight for what’s right, because I’ve always believed that we all deserve to be treated equally. This feeling grew stronger as I grew up, and as I studied Women’s suffrage in history classes in college, once again wishing I could’ve been a part of the fight for equality. So here we are, in 2019, fighting for the equal rights of all people: no matter what color they are, what gender they are, what religion they practice, or who they love. For this reason, I schlepped from the Bay Area to Salt Lake to join thousands in celebrating and standing up for the rights of every person to be who they are, and to love who they love, and to be accepted just like those of us who happened to have been born straight and cisgender. For me, it was a small but important step toward the activism I’ve always longed for, and what is right right now.
I was fortunate enough to have a friend from Sacramento join me on this adventure, and our day started early. I got to the venue hours before anything was officially beginning so that I could meet with Ty Herndon and chat a bit about his experience as the first major male country artist to publicly come out as gay back in 2014. Herndon was lovely and incredibly charming, and we discussed how Nashville has changed over the years (“Nashville’s changing a lot… we still have a long way to go, especially in our Southern states…”), the 5th year of his Concert for Love & Acceptance, as well as his experience with acting as a mentor of sorts (my word, not his) to younger gay country artists like Brandon Stansell. At one point, Herndon joked, “girl, I’ve been around since the ark!” (When I asked him who was the other half of his pair on the ark, he said, “um… it was probably me & Loretta Lynn!”) Herndon said that he was excited for his soon-to-be-released 21st album in August, and was “just hoping to influence some hearts and change some minds.”
The next thing I knew, I was standing against the barricade in the pit waiting for the fun to begin. Kerri & I ended up just off the center of the front row, with lovely volunteers Max & Sarah on one side, and a group of 3 young ladies (Seryn, Julia & Cynthia) on the other. At this point, I have to admit that while I would love to give you an absolute play-by-play of every detail of this long, emotional, amazing event, I simply can’t. What I will do, though, is give you the highlights, and hopefully enough to make you read next year’s review – unless, of course, I inspire you to go in person to witness it for yourself…
First things first: please remember I’m still a Napa girl, whether I’m in Utah or anywhere else, so I’m always going to talk about food. I ate one thing at this festival, because I didn’t want to risk losing my spot in the front row. Early in the day, when it was still pretty easy for Kerri & I to take turns going out for water, etc, I stopped at a nearby food truck to grab a big scoop of vegan peanut butter ice cream for us to share. I didn’t even bother to take note of the name of the truck at the time! (I checked my receipt, though, because I want to know for the future: The Last Course.) Let me just say it was some of the best ice cream I’ve ever had, and I couldn’t even tell it was vegan. It was also the only thing we ate all day, but we didn’t know that would be the case at the time.
Kalen Allen: The day I made my way from NorCal to SLC, I told a friend who lives near there that I was headed her way. She lamented that she was missing the show due to an injury, especially given that Allen was hosting. I admit, I didn’t know who he was before LoveLoud, but I certainly won’t be forgetting him any time soon now. He’s hilarious, and has a great sense of humor and presence to boot. He was a fabulous host in an even more fabulous sparkly silver get-up.
PVRIS: for some reason, I didn’t know this band at all. The ladies to my left did, however, and were so excited to see them. As it turned out, I could see why – they were awesome, and I’ll definitely be downloading some of their music so I’ll know it for next time.
K. Flay: The first highlight of the day for me. I saw her open for Imagine Dragons on their Evolve tour and loved her, but she’s put out some new music since then. Her set included “Giver,” collaboration with Louis the Child, “It’s Strange” (which I hadn’t even thought to hope she’d play), “This Baby Don’t Cry,” a new song called “Sister” (which is already a new favorite of mine, and for which Reynolds joined her onstage, mostly to dance around in that charmingly child-like way of is, but ostensibly to “help sing” the song), “Bad Vibes,” and her biggest hit to date, “Blood in the Cut.” She was fantastic, and has got me fired up for her new album, Solutions, out next month. (Not to mention her show at the Fox in Oakland in September!)
Daya: I’ve heard “Sit Still, Look Pretty,” but didn’t really know I knew her before she took the stage. She was young, full of energy, and in her own words, “recently came out” as bisexual, and was really enjoying the acceptance of the community. I was surprised to discover that I also recognized her first single, “Hide Away.” I found Daya to be adorable and entertaining; her energy was infectious.
Reynolds showed up on the B stage again to introduce his wife, Aja Volkman, who had a speech prepared for the occasion. Reynolds stopped to speak to a little boy, asking him his name and to “show me those muscles!” It was a sweet moment, and I couldn’t help but think, again, how much Reynolds reminds me of a little boy himself at times (in a good way). Especially when, right after that, in the middle of introducing Volkman, he declared, “Awww, I stepped in gum!” He went on then to talk about having met his wife when his band opened for hers (Nico Vega), which he described as “love at first sight,” adding that he “became a stalker, basically.” Reynolds said that as he got to know Volkman, he discovered that she was “a fierce activist,” and that “if it wasn’t for her, LoveLoud wouldn’t exist.” Before she took the stage, Reynolds said that he wanted “desperately for her to know how much I love her.” How could you not be touched by that kind of a declaration at an event dedicated to love for all?
Volkman: This woman is quite pregnant (with the couple’s first son/fourth child), and so rather than relying on her memory to help her with her speech, she smartly chose to read it. She got quite emotional, understandably, and I noticed her hands shaking while she read. By the way, I took note that she stated that she had asked to speak instead of performing this year, because she had something to say. She spoke about the impact of shame, which she defined as a “sinking feeling inside your heart that makes you want to crawl in a hole.” Becoming visibly emotional, Volkman went on to say that “when you don’t accept your child for who they fully are, it plants a seed that grows for a lifetime” and that “we are born as we are, and we should be celebrated!” There were lots of more lovely things Volkman said in her moving, sweet speech, but the highlights included that we need to work on self-love, which she said takes “patience and practice.” Volkman also urged the audience to “be your own friend,” “allow yourself and others to be human,” and to “champion ourselves unconditionally.”
Tegan & Sara: this twin-sister act has been around for more than two decades, and I’m ashamed to admit I’ve never really given them much of a listen. Both sisters are openly gay, and created the Tegan and Sara Foundation to fight for “economic justice, health, and representation for LGBTQ girls and women.” Even if I didn’t like them, I would have been impressed. Fortunately, though, they were more than just activists who fight for a cause about which I feel strongly. They were both talented women performing great music, and they’re cute and charismatic to boot. One of the highlights of my day was watching the joy these two women brought to the aforementioned young ladies I’d befriended in the front row that day.
AJR: I missed these guys earlier this year at BottleRock because I wasn’t leaving the front row for anything (not on the day Imagine Dragons is headlining, not on your life)! A friend of mine caught their set, though, with her 13-year-old daughter, and couldn’t stop gushing about how great they were live. For my partner-in-crime for this event, they were the biggest draw of the festival. I was looking forward to their set long before they took the stage, and while they had quite a challenge getting through their set due to technical difficulties abounding at the time, they were really troopers and got through it with humor. They didn’t do “Burn the House Down,” but I did get to see both “Sober Up” and “100 Bad Days” live, and both were great. I’ll definitely see them again next time I get the chance.
Shannon Beveridge: Beveridge is a YouTuber. She read a letter she had written to her 16-year-old self, and I was sort of awed by her words. I can’t and won’t try to reproduce what she said, but it was a powerful movement of vulnerability, acceptance, and self-love.
Charlie Bird: This appearance began with a video of the former BYU mascot talking about his experience coming out. The video was followed by an outrageously fun live dance performance. I simply typed the word “OWNED” in my notes while he was dancing because I didn’t want to take my eyes off the stage while he was on it. This was one of my favorite moments of the day.
Herndon: This handsome man had already charmed me earlier in the day, so when he showed up on stage with Brandon Stansell and Paul Cardall, I was more than ready to give them my undivided attention. Specifically, I was looking forward to hearing Herndon’s “What Mattered Most,” which was a #1 hit back in 1995. Now, however, he has rerecorded it as perhaps it always should have been: the song now has pronouns that indicate that Herndon is singing about a man, rather than a woman, and it was a sweet, empowering, self-love moment that gave me goosebumps. Stansell then performed “Hometown,” a song about the challenges of coming out, especially in the South. Though they were the only country artists of the entire day, it was a great moment all the same.
Kesha: First, let me acknowledge why there isn’t a single photo of Kesha in this entire review. I was not given permission to photograph Kesha. It might have been ok to use my phone to take a pic or two, at least for my personal collection and to remember the event, but out of respect for a woman who’s been through a hell of a lot, I put both my phone and my camera away and chose to just be present and enjoy the performance. Which, by the way, was un-fucking-believable. I have to be honest and say I went into this event with, at best, ambivalence for Kesha. I have even had moments where I thought I didn’t much care for her. I always try to go into performances with an open mind, and with so many young people absolutely gushing all day about looking forward to her, I was at least curious to see what she would bring to the stage. When she came out, however, I was not at all prepared for how fantastic she would be. She looked amazing, with her great big gorgeous booty clad in gem-encrusted tights, but she sounded even better.
I had been joking all weekend that I was going to be “kicked out of Utah” for cursing, but I shouldn’t have worried: if anyone was going to offend with their swearing, it was Kesha. And please believe, she didn’t give two fucks (more like two hundred); she was there to be herself, shower us all with her talent, her energy, her love, and her support, and as it turned out, I was “here for it.” There were lots of not just F-bombs, but “motherfucker”s and middle fingers, but that’s the sort of fuck-the-broken-system attitude I tend to eat up. “We are who we motherfucking are!” Kesha declared after telling the crowd, “this song has always been for you.” Kesha noticed a young man named Jacob in the front row who she said had a “matching outfit” to hers… “and tattoos, I love you!” Jacob answered her, but I couldn’t hear what he’d said until Kesha replied, “you saved my life too! I love you forever.” This poignant, sincere moment between an icon and her fan brought tears to my eyes. Kesha then stated that “equality is part of my constitution,” and urged the crowd not to “wait to love yourself… fuck that. I’m gonna love myself right now. Love yourself, and the people next to you!”
Not only were each of Kesha’s songs well-planned performances, but it was clear how much she cared about those in attendance. “Holy shit, this is amazing! Do you all feel loved and safe and happy? Ok, good!” The next song was “for anybody out there that’s dealing with whatever you’re dealing with,” she said before inviting everyone to sing along with “Praying,” which was an incredibly emotional performance for both musician and crowd. And to anyone who feels as I once did, that Kesha is “just” a pop star, I recommend you see her live, and if you’re lucky you’ll get to witness this song, and to see just how talented this woman truly is. She followed this up with a quick costume change before “Blow,” “Blah Blah Blah,” “Your Love Is My Drug,” and “Take It Off,” during which she encouraged audience members: “if you feel comfortable… give me some clothes!” As people were raining various pieces of clothing down onto the stage, I saw Cynthia next to me trying to get Kesha to see the “I KISS GIRLS” on her t-shirt. I also saw when Kesha paused, read it, made eye contact and nodded at Cynthia with a smile, saying “I DO TOO.” Of course, this made Cynthia’s night, but it certainly elated me too, to watch a moment between a fan and a musician she loves. One more quick costume change, and Kesha reemerged clad in a rainbow tinsel jacket and neon rainbow face paint to perform her last song of the evening, “Tik Tok.” The only thing left for me to say about her is I’m utterly converted, and I’ll never not be a fan of Kesha’s again. She was positively brilliant, and brilliantly positive. It was perfect.
Tyler Glenn: Before Glenn took the stage, a video of him speaking aired on the screens. For those that don’t know, Glenn (the frontman of Neon Trees) was raised Mormon and came out as gay in 2014. After the video, Glenn appeared in person on the B stage to perform “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” and then “Midnight,” all while looking utterly fabulous in a gorgeous suit.
Reynolds: Finally, the last act of the night. Reynolds returned to the main stage saying that he was “trying to take all this in” and admitting how emotional it was. “I need you to understand that this is something I care deeply about, for so many reasons.” Reynolds went on to talk about his very conservative grandmother, and how he’d imagine what his band might do to make her change her mind and side with the LGBTQ+ community. Reynolds mentioned forgiveness and politicians in nearly the same breath before correcting himself, stating that he “can’t forgive them all.”
“What does pure love look like?” Reynolds wondered aloud. “This is what pure love looks like! Look around you.” Reynolds went on to insist that the event was just “people gathering together to say enough is enough,” and that “all deserve equality and justice” because “love is love is love,” and that “until then, we’ll put on these shows, and we’ll sing, and we’ll dance.” Before beginning to sing himself, however, Reynolds admitted that he suffers from Ulcerative Colitis and had an ulcer in his throat, and so would need the crowd to sing with and/or for him as much as we could. “It’s Time” was first, followed by “Believer,” and then Reynolds made a speech with which I’m very familiar, given how many times I’ve seen Imagine Dragons and how much this speech means to me: he talked about the stigma around depression and the importance of having a therapist if you need one. (For those that care, I’m a therapist by day, so this speech brings me to tears every single time.) He wrapped this speech with, “anyway, that’s what this song’s about” before beginning “Whatever It Takes.”
Next, Tyler Glenn reappeared to join Reynolds on stage to sing a song that is “one of the first songs you learn as a Mormon,” which was called “I’ll Walk With You,” and was almost ironically appropriate for the event (with lyrics like “sometimes the world can be so cold, sometimes a heart turns to stone, I’ll go wherever you go, you’re not alone”). After Glenn left the stage, Reynolds took a moment to shout out Kesha’s performance: “let’s be honest, is there any greater rock star on the earth right now than Kesha? What am I doing with my life?” To lighten the mood, Reynolds performed “On Top of the World” next, and he began to lose his voice, and so relied on the crowd to do most of the work. Unfortunately, the crowd got confused during the first chorus and jumped to the bridge, but it didn’t matter.
“My only hope is that you go home and think, ‘it’s all gonna work out. It’s all gonna be good.’ I plead with you, do not take your life from us.” At this moment, Reynolds happened to spot a familiar face in the crowd, and I was standing near enough to him to see his face fall. “Dammit, George,” he said, overcome with emotion. Before Reynolds could explain, he needed a moment to compose himself. He knelt one one knee on the stage as he broke down, allowing himself to be truly vulnerable with all those thousands of people as he sobbed on stage. After a moment, he was joined onstage by his 6-year-old daughter Arrow, who came out to comfort him, hugging her crying father. To say that it was an incredibly tender, beautiful moment that showed the world the heart of this man is an understatement, and I can only imagine how many shed tears right along with him in that moment. (I know I did.) When he was able to speak again, Reynolds explained that George and Allison’s son Stockton had died by suicide. Reynolds then invited Stockton’s parents to come speak on the stage, which they did as the crowd rained down applause and “we love you!”s from across the audience. Both of Stockton’s parents spoke briefly, and as they concluded the crowd began to chant, “Stockton! Stockton! Stockton!” Reynolds reappeared then to perform his final song. He had planned to do “Demons,” he said, but decided it was “too sad,” and so chose to end with a cover in order to “end on a positive note.” He chose a song he covers often with his band, which was a very appropriate end to the long, emotional, wonderful day, closing with “Stand By Me.”
I’m humbled by this experience. Music festivals are usually fun, but this one is about something more than just fun, it’s about something that matters, to the extent that it could literally save lives, and it wasn’t an experience I’ll soon be forgetting. Dan Reynolds has absolutely become one of my heroes for his advocacy, and for his dedication to destigmatizing depression, promoting mental health, and his amazing work as an LGBTQ+ ally. I’m ready to book my ticket for next year, and every year thereafter until each of us has the same rights, opportunities, and privileges as the next person. Will I see you there?
*Before I go, I have to give a quick shout-out to the young people I met that day. My experience wouldn’t have been nearly as memorable as it was without sharing parts of it with a fantastic young human I met early on in the day named Schuylar. Kerri & I also shared most of the day with the aforementioned trio of young ladies (Seryn, Julia & Cynthia), whose bliss, excitement, and yes, pride, made the day infinitely more enjoyable for me. It’s people like the four of you that make me want to give every ounce of blood, sweat, and tears that I have until you have the same rights as “the rest of us.” Thanks for being you, and for letting me share in your joy. I won’t soon forget any of you.
